More Papers, More Money, More Planning, More Needing Jesus.

We need Jesus. We desperately.need.Jesus.

Sometimes you just have to call a spade, a spade. And the fact is, as soon as anyone asks me any question about our adoption, or the process, or says a word beginning with "a," I am instantly overwhelmed. I have not totally dissected this problem, but I will attempt to here:
First, I am a people pleaser, and I want to give people real answers when they ask real questions, and, as discussed before on this blog, when it comes to the adoption process, there doesn't seem to be any real answers. So I usually go into a 5 minute monologue that no one understands, and then end it with a good ol' shrug and say, "I don't really know."
Second, as pointed out in our sermon at church today, I am feeling more and more circumstantially joyful. And at this point in the process, there are not a ton of things to be joyful about. (Insert need for Jesus, and not the need for my joy to come from my children, or anything else.) We receive weekly updates on Ethiopia adoptions, and they are grim. I get bummed. I could not finish filling out the immigration form on Friday, because I needed assistance. Bummed. As we approach more notches in our adoption timeline, all I seem to see are money signs, and reach into empty pockets, and I feel...bummed. My trust that the Lord has called us to this process and will therefore see us through it is shaky. My fears about the whole thing then multiply. My heart is focused on the perfection of administrative details, and not the perfection of the Gospel.
So, I need Jesus. I need to turn my heart to prayer when I read those stink email updates. I need to remember that God's timing has always been and will always be perfect. I need to praise God that he has always taken care of us, and that he has given us the wisdom and ability to creatively raise money to bring home our baby. I need to recall all the fears I had when we were expecting Ellory and then Ezra, and see the Lord's hand at work in molding my heart and turning me to His strength to walk me through the unknowns.
This isn't about you, Terri. This isn't even about Baby Buna, or the Coffey family, or adoption. It's about Jesus. It's all about Jesus. So breathe. He is your joy.